if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
