Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
