i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
