i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
