Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
