god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Someone came in the potted fern
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
