and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
