Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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