Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
