I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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