On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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