his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
