It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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