Plan B is the new Plan A
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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