Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
