3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
