If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Shame - the story of my life.
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