Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
no, he came in my armpit
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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