I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
