and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
