so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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