Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
