I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
