I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
