Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
