Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
our cab driver is having phone sex.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
