The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
