he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
