when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
