She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
