I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
