Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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