I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
