i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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