Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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