Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
