Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
