you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
