don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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