I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
