It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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