im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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