We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
