Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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