You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
