Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
