Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
