he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
