So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
