Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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