it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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